You tend to think about an ex more often than you ought to. You get frustrated that new relationships seem hard to develop when deep inside you are thinking about someone you used to be very close to.
This feeling can hold you back from reaching the point of release, and putting 100% of your effort into making things work with a new partner. You are not alone – this feeling is quite common. It tends to affect females more – maybe you are emotionally more sensitive?
If this illustrates how you are feeling, then put some thought into analysing what causes this feeling and how you can overcome it and move on.
1. The Cause. Think back to the relationship you had with this person. Did you get into it quickly and end it too quickly? Were they not fully committed to you, or you to them? Do you feel they let you down, or you let them down? Are they with someone else, thus causing envy traits to bubble up inside you? There can be hundreds on scenarios and you need to get clear in your mind the pros and cons of that past relationship. Write it down as “good” or “bad” aspects – think clearly without prejudice surrounding the day to day experiences you had together – you need to document what YOU liked about it, not how you felt at the time.
2. Think about the items on your list and try to decide which of these good (or bad) things you miss most. If you’re considering going back to him/her force yourself into a DECISION. If there’s a very convincing reason that this would never happen, then focus on moving forward with your memory cleared of all that irrelevant data.
3. Why did you fall for this person in the first place? Which of their characteristics could you do without, or demand, from your future partner(s)?
4. Chances are that it’s just YOU feeling the pangs of a love-lost, not them. But are they still in your life? If you still see them around it’s harder to let go. Is there something you can do to distance yourself from them?
5. Do not, (i.e never ever) talk to a new partner about how you feel about your ex but try to talk to a close friend whom you can trust. If your close friends are also friends of your ex then you should make efforts to get included in a new, supportive circle of friends.
6. Work on getting the confidence you need and the self-worth to move onward and upward. Your goal should be to stand out from the crowd, so that people can see you as a real, strong, forward looking person,
7. Enjoy being single. Fill your life with things that single people do. Don’t panic about getting involved again too soon. Give yourself time to release those negative aspects from your mind.
8. Get sociable again. Go out, have fun. Go on dates without the worry of thinking if “this could be the one”. The more you develop your social life with new people and new situations the quicker your ex will become a faded memory.
Above all, remember that it’s perfectly natural to have memories of good times passed, and you are not alone. Those instincts are in-built by mother nature. You need to be able to focus yourself on the future and the good times to come.
|Faith and George - Cornwall|